I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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