i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
