Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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