I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
