dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
