Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
