I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
