its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
