My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My vagina is officially offended.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
