How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She's the barista slut.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
