There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
