1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
