doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
