How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
