its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
