I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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