The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
