Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
