xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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