you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
