nut hugger
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
