I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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