I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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