It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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