The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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