Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my phone needs a breathalizer
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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