My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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