Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
