i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It's just like the Real World with babies
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
