I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
How does one acquire holy water?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize