it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
