I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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