is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
