I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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