I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
