i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
