I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
