You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize