I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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