planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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