he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
