i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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