Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
