this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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