I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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