I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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