Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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