I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
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i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
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my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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