Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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