life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Randomize
