i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
