i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Boobs speak an international language.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
