I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
