Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
