i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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