we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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