okay pat passed out under dana's car
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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