Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Why are your pants in the freezer?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
