I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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