smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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