ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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