I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
my nose is crying tears of wow.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
