Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
His nipple licking is glorious
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