Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
