I wanna bring you to show and tell
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
