It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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