Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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