wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
