I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You ruined the universe
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
