omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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