Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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